


The Sex Shop

by CarlottaStudios



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: AND NOW IT'S DONE! FINALLY DONE!, Blindfolds, Bondage, Butt Plugs, Candles, Claws, Cock Rings, Collars, Costumes, Cowboy Kink, Dildos, F/M, Feathers & Featherplay, Gloves, Handcuffs, I am so sorry for how late chapter 3 is T-T, I can't help it, I won't be doing this again in a hurry, I'll try to put as many of them in the tags as I can, I'll update these tags as this fic gets updated, Lubricant, Roleplay, Rope Bondage, Scratching, Sex Toys, Shockplay, Tentacles, Vibrators, Waxplay, all of the smut is just implied, also because I ship them, and I love it, but I'm putting the relationship tag there just in case, electric wand, indulge me, just to make sure you guys are properly warned, keith literally gets chased by a hoard of crazy fangirls, many sex toys are mentionned, my first multi-chapter fic in years!, ovipositor, please, purchase of sex toys but no actual smut scenes, sex couch, the characters in this fic are all kinky little shits, the nyma/rolo could be interpreted as platonic or romantic, they're actually called chaises, this fic is too crazy for canon but I love it anyway XD, this fic was honestly more of an excuse for me to show off my kink headcanons for these characters, vibrator arm, want more proof that this fic is shitpost energy?, what more proof do you need?, yes sex couches are a thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:01:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23438140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarlottaStudios/pseuds/CarlottaStudios
Summary: Rolo has decided to open a sex shop in the Space Mall, the first of its kind in the universe at large since the war is over. Despite his optimism, Nyma is skeptical. However, a few gentlemen we know and love from team Voltron are interested in some of the products the ex-bounty-hunter has to offer…This is a very ridiculous story, I know! XD
Relationships: Allura/Shiro (Voltron), Keith (Voltron)/Original Female Character(s), Lance/Pidge | Katie Holt, Matt Holt/Plaxum, Nyma/Rolo (Voltron)
Kudos: 27





	1. The First Customer

“This is a bad idea.”

Rolo barely lifted his eyes from where he was finishing counting the change in the cash.

“Nyma, relax.” he said as he finally closed the drawer.

“It’s a sex shop, Rolo!!!” cried Nyma, flinging out her arms in exasperation.

Indeed, it was a sex shop. Rolo, in a bid to gain a stable and legal income in the new climate of peace, had decided to open a store in a far corner of the Space Mall; a store that sold vibrators, vaginal stimulators, ovipositors-basically, every sex toy you could ever want and even a few you wouldn’t. They also had an abundance of porn, lingerie, costumes and lubricant for sale. In short, it was probably the most well-stocked sex-shop in the universe. Which quite displeased Nyma.

“If this isn’t a magnet for failure, I don’t know what is!”

Rolo let out a small sigh. Normally, he appreciated his best friend’s rational council, but normally, her council would actually be rational and understandable. Not to mention brief and to the point. This was nothing but discouragement. Constantly. From the moment he first announced his scheme. It was getting a little ridiculous. He swiveled his chair to look directly at his partner.

“Why are you so against the idea of me running a sex shop?” he asked. “Which, might I add, you don’t have to help me with, much as I appreciate your assistance.”

She rolled her eyes.

“All I did was help you bring the stuff in and fill the shelves.”

“Which I greatly appreciate.” he smiled.

It was true: those boxes had all been heavy as quiznak and there’d been a bunch of them. He genuinely didn’t know how he would’ve managed to get it all unpacked, organized and placed correctly had it not been for Nyma’s help. Which she was aware of, he knew. There was no need to go into detail. But, if reminding her and laying it on a little would lift her spirits a bit about his plan, he was definitely going to try.

“And which you did a great job with-” he tried, but she cut him off sharply.

“You can quit the flattery, Rolo.” she said warningly. “It’s not gonna make me change my mind. This store, as well-stocked as it is, is a bad idea.”

“Oh, come on, Nyma, just think about it!” said Rolo, getting up from his seat. “Sex is one of the great pleasures of life, right up there with flying and a good meal. And thanks to the war being over, people with healthy sex lives have a bit more time to experiment. And what better way for them to do that than by getting some high-quality accessories from my brand-new, well-stocked sex shop?”

He gestured proudly to the store. Admittedly, it was fairly small (for now at least), but it was clean, it had a section in the back for clothing as well as a changing room, and the whole place was filled wall-to-wall with enough sexual paraphernalia to make the goddess of love herself blush.

“Plus,” Rolo added, smiling, “it’s not like I'm a total noob with any of this stuff, so, if the customers have questions about anything, I can give them some well-informed answers. Honestly, Nyma, who wouldn’t want to come here?”

“Generally-sex-repulsed asexuals.” she deadpanned.

“Okay, fair.” Rolo shrugged.

“And people who are so vanilla they think canine-style is extreme kink.”

“Alright, I get the picture.” he conceded, but his confidence wouldn’t be dampened. “So, my customers are gonna the more open-minded sort in the bedroom. What’s the problem with that?”

“The problem is you’re assuming you're going to get customers in the first place.” said Nyma seriously.

Rolo sat back in his seat, leaning into it and stretching out his arms.

“I’ll get customers, just wait and see.” he said, lazily closing his eyes and using his arms as a pillow.

Nyma frowned. Unlike before, though, it was out of concern rather than annoyance. She trusted Rolo, even when his ideas got them into trouble. Admittedly, they rarely did, but every so often there’d be a snafu or he’d get too cocky and the plan would fall apart, such as it had when they first met Voltron. They always managed to survive those cases, but still. It wasn’t fun to lose, and she honestly didn’t want to see this solo venture for Rolo end in a crash and burn.

“Are you sure?” she asked. “There’s never been a store like this, Rolo.”

Rolo’s grin didn’t falter.

“There’s plenty on Earth.”

“Earth isn’t the rest of the universe.” she argued. “The rest of the universe was too busy fighting a war for 10 000 years to even think about things like opening stores where, instead of selling normal stuff, they sell dildos.”

Rolo smirked at her.

“Don’t be disrespecting dildos, Nyma,” Rolo said slyly, opening an eye twinkling with mischief, “I know you use ‘em.”

Nyma shot him a death glare, her cheeks flushing red.

“Not. Your. Business.” she hissed.

“You’re right.” Rolo held up his hands in surrender. “I’m sorry.”

She crossed her arms, but her went back into a half-annoyed-half-concerned frown. Rolo smiled, but it was softer, reassuring.

“It’s still not a problem. So, I'm the first one to do it. If anything, that means I have an advantage over all other ‘normal’ stores. I’ve got stuff nobody can easily find anywhere else.”

“And the fact this store is the size of a galra escape pod?” Nyma raised a skeptical eyebrow. “And is in the way back of the mall? Is that also an advantage?”

“To be fair,” Rolo chuckled sheepishly, “this was the best I could afford.”

Nyma groaned and rolled her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose like she suddenly had a massive headache. Rolo still wasn’t deterred.

“Come on, Nyma-”

“I’m sorry, Rolo. Normally, I trust you, but this just seems like a huge risk. Honestly, I just have my doubts that anyone is going to come into this store at all.”

At that very moment, there was the unmistakable sound of the door opening and someone walking in. Rolo smirked at his partner.

“You were saying?” he whispered, voice oozing with smugness.

“Hey guys!” greeted the newcomer.

“Hey Matt!” said Rolo, waving and flashing a beaming smile at their human friend.

“He doesn’t count!” Nyma snapped at Rolo. “He’s a friend, not a customer.”

Matt graciously ignored the comment, instead choosing to take in his surroundings.

“So, I’m guessing this is your new store?” he asked.

“Yup! And it’s the first day!” Rolo beamed proudly, either unaware or uncaring at Nyma’s skeptical glowering. “What’d you think?”

No response. Rolo and Nyma blinked and looked back at their friend. Matt was staring at the products hanging on every wall of the store, his face getting redder and redder as the ticks passed.

“Uh, Matt? You okay?” Rolo asked.

He sat up straighter in his chair. Beside him, Nyma cautiously stepped out from behind the counter, trying to get a peek at the young man’s expression. He still didn’t respond.

“Matt? Ma-att? Space Mall to Matt?” Rolo tried.

Ever-so-slowly, Matt turned his gaze back to the two aliens. His eyes were wide as moons and his face about the same shade of scarlet as the planet Mars.

“What the quiznack is-?!” he started, his voice petering out from sheer shock.

“It’s a sex shop.” Nyma finished for him. “Rolo’s opened a sex shop. He may forgotten have forgotten to mention it to you.” she glared at the man in question and he flinched away from the daggers shooting from her purple eyes.

Rolo gulped.

“Hehe, it may have slipped my mind to specify what kind of store I was gonna be running.”

He glanced back at Matt, hoping his ever-so-understanding friend would rescue him from Nyma’s wrath. However, Matt was still evidently trying to recover from his discovery. At least he seemed no longer in danger of falling dead from heat. Still, his cheeks and ears practically glowed a dark pink.

“I-I…” he shook his head, as if still unwilling to believe what he was seeing, “don’t know what to say.”

“You can say that it’s a terrible idea.” suggested Nyma, much to Rolo’s exasperation.

“Nyma, you’ve made your-”

“Doomed for failure.”

“Okay.”

“You can say that you’re disgusted that Rolo would stoop to this level.”

“Alright!” Rolo barked at Nyma’s smirk.

“Actually, I wouldn’t say I’m disgusted.” said Matt, still eyeing the columns upon columns of phallic-shaped implements. “I’m surprised, but…also kind of impressed?” he added, unable to bite down a smile.

Rolo sagged in relief in his chair.

“Thank you!” he cried.

“And intrigued?” Matt grinned guiltily as he faced them.

The aliens stared at him. Rolo had the brightest smile on his face and even Nyma perked up. For a moment, there was silence as Matt self-consciously scratched the back of his head. Finally, he met their eager and curious eyes.

“Do you mind if I look around?” he asked.

Rolo practically crowed like a rooster.

“Not at all! Take your time. You’re the lucky first one here!”

Rolo pumped his fists and spun his chair about behind the cash and Nyma shook her head and watched his triumph with an amused smile. Meanwhile, Matt wandered about the shelves, examining various objects, showing at times interest,

“Huh! I didn’t know they had this in space too.”

Curiosity,

“This looks kinda fun…What’s it do?”

Apprehension,

“This really isn’t for human use, is it?”

And occasionally downright revulsion.

“HOLY QUIZNACK ARE THOSE ALIVE?!”

“Nah.” Rolo reassured as Matt pointed a shaking finger at a clear container with a bunch of dark red, tentacle-looking objects inside. “They're just supposed to look like living tentacles. And act like them. But they're just toys, I swear. They’re actually pretty commonly used by kinksters in this part of the universe.”

“Oh, yeah, I’ve used them loads of times.” Nyma added breezily.

She then seemed to realized that she’d said that aloud and that both men were staring at her. Her golden-yellow face went fuschia.

“Nyma,” Rolo crooned, “you never cease to impress me. Not that it’s any of my business!” he quickly said as Nyma whirled on him.

“I almost want to ask how one would…use something like this?” Matt eyed the things with morbid curiosity.

“Do you REALLY want to ask?” Nyma warned. “Because I will answer if you do.”

Matt looked from her to the pile of tentacles.

“…Good point. I’ll pass.” he said, moving quickly away to a different shelf.

“That’s okay.” said Nyma as her complexion returned to its normal hue. “It’s definitely not for everyone.” she admitted and Rolo nodded in agreement.

After a few more minute of perusing, Matt returned to the front counter with a blindfold, a remote-controlled vibrator, a box featuring a complicated contraption involving cuffs and a butt-plug, and a bottle of lubricant, all of which Rolo swiftly rung up.

“There ya go!” he said, placing the four items in a black bag he handed to his friend. “Pleasure doing business with you, Matt.”

“You too, Rolo.” smiled Matt. “See you guys! Good luck with this store!”

“Thanks! See ya!” Rolo called as Matt stepped out.

“Later Matt!” Nyma waved.

Matt waved back, then disappeared around the corner. Rolo sat back in his chair with a satisfied sigh.

“Guess he counted as a customer after all.” he grinned up at his partner.

“I guess so.” she conceded.

She could practically feel his smile widen and was ready to accept the payback for her excessively vocal skepticism.

“So, do you still think this store is a doomed idea?” he asked.

Nyma shrugged.

“I gotta admit, it might not be as bad an idea as I thought.”


	2. Chased In By A Fanclub Swarm

As it turns out, the sex shop was, indeed, not as bad an idea as Nyma had initially feared. Within a short matter of weeks, customers began regularly visiting. Even more sought to order products from afar, contacting Rolo, consulting him about which toys might be best for them & having him arrange the orders for them to pick up at their leisure. They often did this near closing time, when they were less likely to be spotted. Rolo never ceased to be amused by his clients’ shyness, but he never commented on it…At least, not to their faces.

“Are you serious?!” Nyma managed to say amidst her laughter. “They had a mask and a hood on and everything?!”

“I’m totally serious!” said Rolo as he struggled to keep his chuckles to a minimum.

He’d had to pause in his placing cock rings on their appropriate shelf to share this particular story with Nyma, but it was worth the delay in his work. This tale was just too good not to tell.

“I can’t make this stuff up!”

Nyma was laughing so hard that she had to lean against the counter of the cash.

“Oh. My. Gosh!” she wheezed.

“I know, right?” Rolo snickered. “The lengths some people will go to to make sure nobody ever finds out that” he gasped, “they have kinks!” he said in mock-horror.

Nyma snorted at his faux dramatics.

“I mean, there’s a line between being a normal person about keeping your sex life private and concealing your identity when going to a sex shop!”

They laughed uproariously. Rolo had already shared several stories of the antics of his shyer customers (omitting the details of their purchases, of course), but, by far, none had been so amusing as this. Not even the one about a certain galra prince had sent one of his less-than-timid friends to pick up his order of silk rope and candles. At least his envoy had been unmasked and hadn’t arrived mere seconds before closing time. Plus, he was pretty sure the mystery customer had used a voice modifier. As soon as he mentioned that, it made Nyma laugh so hard she almost fell to the floor and he thought his sides would burst, his sides hurt so much! But at last, they managed to calm down.

“So,” Nyma wiped a tear from her eye, “what did this mystery client buy anyway? You’ve got me curious now.”

Rolo hesitated.

“I don’t know. I kinda have a policy on respecting my customers’ privacy.”

Nyma smirked.

“Why do I find that extremely ironic coming from you?”

He shrugged.

“Hey, I know not everyone’s as open as I am.”

“You mean ‘shameless’.” his partner corrected.

Rolo thought abut it for a moment.

“…Fair.”

“But come on!” Nyma wheedled. “You don’t even know who this client is!”

“You point being?” Rolo asked, eyeing her suspiciously.

“My point being that, if you tell me what they bought, I still won’t know who bought it. So, technically, you’re still respecting your policy.”

“…That’s a pretty shady way of looking at it.”

Nyma met his gaze and smiled.

“You know I won’t tell anyone.”

Rolo considered. Years of friendship and partnership in crime and in saving the Universe didn’t come without a good dose of trust. And he trusted that Nyma, while not entirely above such underhanded tactics as manipulation, bribery and blackmail, wouldn’t use her more underhanded skills to make innocents suffer. Especially not some poor mystery customer too embarrassed or ashamed to risk letting the world know a hint about their dirty side. Plus, he trusted that she would want to keep such a juicy secret to herself, hoarding it like a small treasure and sharing it only with him (I mean, not that she had a choice in this case, as he was her means of obtaining the secret).

“…Okay. This is too good anyway.”

He approached the counter, about to tell her, when, all of a sudden, they heard the sound of loud, fast-approaching footsteps. The next moment, Keith burst through the door, slamming it behind him and sinking to the floor, panting. Rolo and Nyma blinked, surprised at the paladin’s appearance. Rolo raised a hand in greeting.

“Hey-”

But Keith shushed him before Rolo could let out more than a single syllable.

“Looking…for me…!” he whispered hoarsely between deep breaths. “Can’t know I’m here…Please!”

Rolo and Nyma lifted their eyes and looked outside. The thing about Rolo’s store was that the front was covered almost entirely by a black, opaque screen, save for the name and logo of the shop. This made it so it was incredibly difficult for people outside the store to look inside, but, at a touch, those inside could see perfectly whatever was going on outside. Nyma and Rolo did this now and their eyes widened at what they saw: a swarm of rabid-looking people rushing past the store. Most were gesticulating wildly, some were holding posters of the red paladin, scribbled with hearts and declarations of passion and a rare few were even wearing replicas of Keith’s old jacket. All of them were screaming hysterically. The watchers put two and two together, glancing between the view outside and the breathless young man still trying to regain his composure. They shared a knowing and slightly pitying look. They’d heard that the paladins’ admirers could be…overly enthusiastic, but in all honesty, they hadn’t quite imagined it being this bad. After a few more seconds, though, the hoard finally passed them by. They smiled reassuringly at Keith and Rolo did a thumbs-up. Keith sighed.

“Thanks.”

“No problem.” said Rolo, stepping out from behind the counter. “The troubles of having a fanclub, huh?”

Keith got to his feet, letting out a disbelieving huff.

“I didn’t even know I had a fanclub.”

They stared at him.

“You had no idea?” Nyma asked incredulously.

Keith blinked.

“No.”

At the look of disbelief on Nyma’s face, he few even more confused.

“What?”

“It’s just…Have you looked at yourself recently?”

Keith frowned.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means you’re a good-looking guy, Keith.” Rolo said, as if stating the obvious. “Plus, you’re the dark brooding loner of the Voltron paladins, the greatest heroes in the Universe.”

The galra-hybrid seemed at a loss of what Rolo meant.

“You’ve got nothing but reasons for people to thirst for you.” he explained. “From there, a ravenous fanclub is inevitable.”

Nyma nodded sagely in agreement.

“But I have a girlfriend.” Keith said, a note of irritation entering his voice. “There’s no point in them…thirsting over me if I’m taken. Not that I’d want them doing it even if I wasn’t.”

Rolo shrugged apologetically.

“Yeah, but crazy fans can be a little…selective about what they consider real.”

“Plus, you can’t exactly expect a crazy fangirl or fanboy to act rationally.” added Nyma.

Keith let out a frustrated breath.

“Guess not.” he said, clearly still unhappy with the attentions of so many less-than-entirely-sane people.

He breathed deeply, calming himself. At least he’d found a refuge from his fanclub now, even if a temporary one. He smiled gratefully at his “rescuers”.

“Thanks for letting me in here by the-”

As he spoke, he noticed some of the objects on the shelves behind Rolo. Shocked into silence, he looked around and finally seemed to realize just what kind of store he’d gotten himself into. Face warm, eyes wide, he turned back to Rolo and Nyma.

“I-Is this a sex shop?!” he asked, his voice cracking.

“Uh huh.” Rolo nodded.

“A-And…you’re running it?”

“He is.” Nyma answered smiling.

Keith’s face went as red as his jacket.

“I-” he stuttered, “I’m so sorry-I had no idea what kind of shop this was. I-I was just trying to get away from-”

“Hey, don’t worry about it, it’s fine.” Rolo reassured.

Then, after a pause:

“So, you wanna look around?”

Keith eyed some of the shelves, particularly those near the clothing section in the back, where Rolo kept some of the more…intense stuff.

“…Actually, I kinda do.”

“Great!” Rolo beamed. “Especially since, you know, you’re kinda stuck here.”

Keith blanched and whirled aroud to stare at the door.

“They’re still out there?!”

Nyma moved back to the window.

“Yup. Still looking for you.” she said as members of the fanclub darted about, confused at the apparent disappearance of their object of obsession.

Keith flinched away from the front of the store and looked just about ready to bolt and hide in the changing room. Fortunately, if Rolo put his fears to rest.

“Don’t worry. They can’t see you. I have the store front blacked out for a reason.”

“The mall cop told you to so that kids wouldn’t see the products.” Nyma piped up.

“Right, make that several reasons.” Rolo corrected. “Anyway, you’re safe here. Hey, Nyma, keep a lookout, will you? I still got some more stuff to put on the shelves.”

“Sure.” she said, then smiled at Keith. “I’ll let you know when it’s safe.”

Keith nodded and, now at ease, headed for the shelves that had particularly caught his attention. He took his time, carefully examining objects, feeling the textures and checking the prices. All the while, Nyma watched outside. It was strangely entertaining to watch the crazies run around like headless basanis. And things got even better as, by the time Rolo had finished putting all of the products from the backroom in their proper place, the mall’s security had arrived and, with some backup from a few of the store-owners, rounded them up and marched them away. When the last of them was herded away by Varkon and his backup, she turned and called out:

“All gone! You’re safe now, Keith.”

Keith looked up from the objects in his hands.

“Perfect timing.” he said, approaching the counter, followed by Rolo.

Nyma made room for him as he slid into his seat and took a look at what Keith had brought. He whistled.

“Nice collar.” he said, scanning said item. “Didn’t you want to try it on first, though?”

There was a loud splutter as Nyma barely stifled a scoff. Rolo glared at her, not even noticing Keith’s reaction to his words.

“I really don’t think you’re in a position to kinkshame.” he said irritably.

“I’m not. I just think it’s bold of you to assume that Keith’s the one wearing that.” said Nyma, nodding at the collar.

Rolo blinked, then looked at the collar, then at Keith. The paladin said nothing and his expression was guarded, but his cheeks were red enough that it made Rolo’s previous assumptions on Keith shatter to pieces. He decided to make no further comments and scanned the rest of Keith’s items, a pair of gloves and two bottles of lubricant.

“I don’t think that’s our business, Nyma.” he said as he placed everything in a bag and handed it to Keith.

Nyma rolled her eyes. Keith gave a grateful half-smile. 

“Thanks for letting me hide out here, by the way.”

“Anytime!” said Rolo as Keith made for the door.

He looked cautiously out, taking no chances, then made for the exit as quick as he could. Once he was gone, Nyma smirked. Rolo sighed.

“Alright, you can rub it in.”

“I knew it.” she gloated. “I knew he was a quiznaking top.”


	3. Not The Only Customer

A couple weeks later, business was still running smoothly for Rolo, particularly when it came to long-distance clients. In fact, Rolo was often so busy taking calls from these customers that he was sometimes distracted from the few clients who still bothered to physically show up. During one of these instances, he was haggling with a new client.

“I’m sorry, really. I’d like to help you out, but we just don’t have that…” he said into the communicator, then paused as the client responded somewhat incredulously. “Of course! We just don’t have any…you know…any in that…particular shape…Oh…Oh…? Okay…Well, we don’t have that either.” he answered as Matt walked into the store.

The young man was about to greet the shop-owner, but quickly closed his mouth as he realized he was occupied. Ah well. He had some time to kill anyway before accomplishing his primary objective. So, he wandered to the biggest shelf in the store. Yes, bigger even than the dildo shelf, for this one had a greater variety of toys: feathers, candles, gels and even the container of tentacle-like toys. Matt gave those a pass, but he did note, with a little hum of pleasant surprise, the candles, as well as a collection of objects that supposedly gave little electric shocks. For curiosity’s sake, he tested one, brushing it lightly over his finger and getting goosebumps as he felt the sudden little jolt.

‘Hmm…not bad at all.’ he thought with a grin as he put it back. ‘Note to self: mention this to Plaxum.’

After all, she’d enjoyed all the other ideas he’d suggested so far. But his train of thought was interrupted by Rolo laughing at something his client had said.

“Hey, I’m sorry!” he said as he tried to stifle his chuckles. “I guess no one’s ever thought of it that way, let alone-”

Then he finally noticed that Matt was in the room.

“Oh, sorry, could you wait a dobosh? Got another client. Thanks. Hey Matt.” he greeted as he lowered the communicator.

“Hey Rolo.” smiled Matt. “Sorry for the surprise. I saw you talking when I came and didn’t want to interrupt.”

“Don’t worry. My own fault for taking so long.” Rolo waved away the concern. “What’d you need?”

“I was just looking around, but I’m really here for some costume pieces.” Matt answered.

“All the clothes are over there.” Rolo pointed to the back of the store, where there were several rows of clothing, ranging from the skimpiest underwear to form-flattering suits that’d dissipate at the right touch. “There’s also a changing room in the way back.”

“Great! Thanks, Rolo!”

“Pleasure.” Rolo nodded as Matt headed for the clothes, then brought the communicator back to his ear. “Alright, I’m back. So, as I was saying, you seem to be a bit more open-minded than I gave you credit for. No one I know of has ever thought of using it like that, let alone made something that could turn it into…Well, I’m no expert when it comes to this kind of tech. But…I may know someone who could make this sort of “special item” for you. I’ll just have to see if he’s willing-Oh, hold that thought.” he said as Keith walked through the door. “Hey Keith. Hope you don’t mind. Kinda busy.” he pointed at the device in his hand.

“That’s okay, Rolo.” Keith smiled understandingly. “I just need to pick up some more lube.”

Rolo stopped himself from talking in the communicator again and stared at Keith.

“Don’t tell me you used it all already.” he said, equal parts surprised and impressed.

Keith glared, but the sudden flush in his face gave away the answer.

“Right. None of my business.” Rolo raised his hands in surrender. “Anyway, you know where it is.” he added before getting back to his client. “So, I’ll have to check with him, because I don’t think…”

Keith didn’t pay attention to what Rolo was saying and instead just went straight to the shelf where the lubricant was and picked up a bottle. Then, he thought about it and got a second as well. He was about to move to the shelf with the collars, considering getting a second one, when he spotted something that interested him far more.

“What do we have here…” he murmured, a playful smirk gracing his features as he picked up a pair of gloves.

Unlike the normal gloves he’d bought last time, these ones were equipped with a kind of armour on the fingers that extended into little claws. Keith ran a finger along the material, particularly along the claws’ tip. They were a bit harder than real nails, not sharp enough to draw blood just by touching them, but they’d definitely dig into the skin a bit if the wearer had such an intent. Keith’s smirk widened. Oh, he’d definitely need to get these. They were a little pricy, but he was sure it’d be worth it. He found a pair that closely matched his hand size and found his eyes drawn to the clothing section. Keith paused. He hadn’t looked at the clothes at all yet. Clothing just wasn’t something he and Zuri considered particularly important during intimacy. But, seeing some of the clothing now, how nice (and nicely exposing) some of it looked, he figured: Why not take a quick look? Just for the heck of it.

He strode into the section and headed toward the last rack, where the underwear was. At that very moment, the door to the changing room opened and out stepped Matt Holt. Both men spotted each other and shrieked so loudly the clothing racks shook!

From the front of the store, Rolo halted his conversation with his client to call out to Keith:

“Oh, yeah, forgot to mention: Mat’s here too!”

Then he went right back to his communicator.

“What are you doing here?!” Matt demanded.

“Me?!” said Keith. “What about you?! And why do you look like a space cowboy from a smutfic without the hat?!”

It wasn’t an exaggeration. Matt’s dark vest (if it even counted as an actual vest) was entirely at the front and back, exposing his golden-tanned torso for all to see. His boots were made of a black, leather-like material and had a slight heel to them. Lastly, his pants clung snugly to the shape of his legs and Keith strongly suspected from how they exposed a bit of Matt’s thighs that they were ass-less. Matt looked like an alien’s wildest fantasy of a wild-west sheriff, save only for the guns, the badge and hat.

And Keith almost regretted pointing it out, sure that it was going to make Matt feel even more humiliated than he must’ve felt. But Matt’s eyes face up with joy and he asked, with true excitement in his voice:

“Wait, you got that?!”

Keith did a double-take.

“What?”

“‘Cause that’s what I was going for!” Matt beamed, still overjoyed at Keith’s description. “But I thought no one would be able would be able to tell without the hat, so that’s what I was looking for…”

His drifted off as the humiliation finally seemed to set in. His face grew as red as a sunset. Keith wanted to comfort him, but he was still recovering from the shock of seeing one of his best friends in such an outfit.

“Oh…” was what he settled on.

There was a long pause. Matt’s face seemed to grow even more vibrant in colour and Keith studiously avoided his gaze, not wanting to make Matt feel even worse, but having no idea what to say to make him feel better.

“It’s a new roleplay idea…” Matt mumbled, hoping desperately that an explanation (or justification) would save him from Keith’s judgement.

“Okay…” Keith nodded and cursed himself for being so mum.

‘SAY SOMETHING!’ he screamed at himself. ‘Tell him it’s fine! That you understand! You’ve got weirder kinks than this! Not that he needs to know exactly what, but still! Let him know you’re not gonna judge him for this! SAY IT!’

But, somehow, he couldn’t. Matt awkwardly cleared his throat, trying not to scream at Keith’s stoicism.

“So-” he tried before suddenly spotting what Keith was carrying. “Wait a dobosh! Are those gloves with claws on them?!” he blurted out.

Keith went scarlet. Even his hair seemed to be tinged red.

“I-I can’t sharpen my nails into claws.” he confessed before he realized what he’d just said and forced himself to shut up again.

Great. First, he couldn’t say enough, then he said too much. He braced himself for Matt’s reaction.

“Oh!” said his friend.

But instead of disgust or any other negative emotion, his voice rang with interest and even relief! He was about to say more when Keith finally met his eyes. His expression was pleading and Matt realized that, clearly, Keith was so mortified that he hadn’t noticed Matt’s friendly intent.

‘Just as I didn’t notice his.’ he realized.

“Please don’t-” Keith started to beg, but Matt quickly cut him off.

“Oh no no! I’m not kinkshaming you, Keith! I swear! I was just a bit surprised. Although…” he suddenly found himself grinning. “Come to think of it, I really shouldn’t have been.”

That was enough to snap Keith out of his embarrassment.

“Why?” he asked as Matt chuckled.

“Well,” Matt began, “there’s this saying going around about the Galra: Soldiers on the streets, freaks in the sheets.” he concluded with a snicker.

And, just like that, Keith became so hot that steam started pouring from his ears.

“And my guess, based on what you’re buying,” Matt added, unable to help himself, “it’s not totally unfounded.”

His friend was at a complete and total loss for words. In fact, he almost seemed to be having a stroke. Matt almost regretted teasing him. Almost. Regardless, he wasn’t going to continue.

“I gotta admit, it’s a pleasant surprise.” he said, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

The half-galra paladin finally seemed to find his voice.

“What is?!” he asked, voice cracking so hysterically that Matt only just managed to stifle a laugh.

“Finding out that one of your best friends is a fellow kinkster.” he explained.

Keith blinked at him, utterly amazed. After a long moment, during which his face slowly returned to its normal hue, he smiled.

“Don’t you mean ‘also a freak’?”

This time, Matt did laugh.

“Well, that too!” he chortled and Keith laughed with him.

Not just because of Keith’s remark, but because it just felt good to laugh at the utterly ridiculous situation. They laughed until all the embarrassment lifted off their shoulders, leaving their hearts and minds light and relieved.

“You know,” Keith said as they calmed down, “I know a place on Earth that sells cowboy hats.”

Matt gasped.

“Really?!” he asked eagerly.

“Yeah,” Keith nodded, “and I mean real, high-quality ones, not the cheap costume stuff. I could show you if you want.”

Matt beamed as though Keith had just offered him the secret to eternal happiness.

“Thanks, Keith! Th-That’s great! Thanks! Again! I-” he brushed his bangs from his own forehead, shaking his head, still hardly able to believe his luck at having such a friend. “I don’t know what to say.”

Keith just smiled.

“Say you won’t tell anyone about the nail thing?”

“I promise. No one’ll hear it from me.”

“And…” Keith added shyly, “Is there anything you’d recommend?”

Matt blinked, a friendly half-smile on his face.

“I mean, things aren’t boring between me and Zuri, but I’m thinking…If we ever need to spice things up, do you have any ideas on where we should start?”

“Well…” said Matt, considering his friend’s request. “It’s really hard to get spicier than a scratching kink…”

Keith nodded. It wasn’t wrong.

“But blindfolds can be fun.”

“Really” Keith asked, sounding curious and intrigued.

“Yeah! I have one you can borrow, if you guys are ever interested and want to try it out. Just to see if you’re into it.”

“Thanks! And I’ll wash it. Afterwards, I mean.”

“That would be appreciated.”

They both chuckled, then settled into companionable silence for a long moment. Finally, they looked at each other, a knowing smile on both their faces.

“We never saw each other here.” said Matt.

“Agreed.” answered Keith.

“I’m gonna get changed, then we buy our stuff, then we go to Earth to get my bowboy hat, and then we never speak of this again.”

“And as far as anyone else is concerned, this never happened.”

Matt gave a firm nod.

“Okay.”

As he turned to go back to the changing room, Keith also turned and headed out of the clothing section. There, he waited until Matt stepped out, back in his usual garb, his new outfit on his arm. As they headed to the cash, they caught the last snippets of Rolo’s conversation with his client.

“Alright then! Pleasure doing business with you!” he set the little device down with a satisfied TAP on the counter, then smiled up at Matt and Keith. “So, what’d I miss?”

They smiled patiently and were about to tell him that it was none of his business, when a voice suddenly made their hair stand on end:

“WHAT THE QUIZNACK?!”

All three gentlemen whirled round to the source of the voice. Matt and Keith froze, all of their embarrassment suddenly crashing back over them like a tidal wave. Rolo wasn’t nearly as embarrassed.

“Oh! Hi Lance. Welcome back.” he said casually.

Lance didn’t seem to hear him. He stood in the doorway, bug-eyed, slack-jawed, his gaze moving from them to the objects in their hands to Rolo and back to them.

“You guys go here too?!” he asked.

Keith and Matt nearly choked on their own saliva. Both at being caught in the sex shop with the items they intended to purchase by one of the last people they wanted to have know about their kinks, and at the revelation that Lance not only knew of this sex shop but, from Rolo’s greeting, had shopped here before. Matt stared at his sister’s boyfriend, looking ready to scream.


	4. The Battle for the Sex Couch

One would expect that, after Matt and Keith’s accidental encounter with Lance in the sex shop, Rolo would lose at least one customer that day. Surely, at least one of the young men would’ve dropped his would-be purchases, run screaming to the other end of the galaxy and refused to set even a single toe in Rolo’s sex shop ever again. But, surprisingly, this wasn’t the case.

Granted, that was Matt’s first instinct. But, before he could throw away his new outfit, flee to the end of the universe and never return, Keith and Lance had held him back and, after a looooonnnng discussion, the three agreed that they could be grownups about this and continue visiting the same shop on one condition: they wouldn’t talk about what they would buy from said sex shop or, at the very least, what they would do with their purchases. (and, before you ask, Rolo indeed witnessed the whole discussion, he didn’t interfere or say anything, just watched and listened and greatly enjoyed telling Nyma about it later)

But there came an evening, a week after the encounter, when they broke one of these new rules.

“Remind me again why I let you drag me into this?” Keith asked in a low voice as Lance sipped at his space coffee.

It wasn’t actually coffee, but it was similar enough in taste that the blue paladin felt no qualms about calling it that.

“Because,” Lance explained quietly as he set down his drink, “I’m going to be buying an amazing sex couch from Rolo’s shop and I can’t carry it out to the ship by myself. I couldn’t ask Hunk for help because he’s too innocent. Shiro and Allura are busy with governing stuff. I want to surprise Pidge with it so I obviously couldn’t ask her. And there’s no way I could ask Matt. So that just left you and now we’re gonna wait until everyone’s gone so we can get my couch without anybody noticing and getting more ideas for dirty fanfiction.” he finished with a gesture to their surroundings and the few lingering customers, who had fortunately been deaf to their conversation.

The two paladins were at a table in the Space Mall’s food court, wearing sunglasses and having ditched their jackets in a feeble attempt to disguise their identities. It was less than an hour until closing time, so there were very few people still hanging around. While they waited, Lance and his reluctant accomplice figured they may as well eat, so they’d each gotten a snack and a hot drink at one of the counters. Keith’s tea (admittedly it was alien tea but it was still herbs and spices in hot water so it still counted) and sandwich had long been devoured, but Lance was still enjoying his space coffee and a lovely pastry that looked and tasted a lot like a croissant.

“Yeah, I got all that.” Keith said in answer to Lance’s recount. “What I don’t get is how you convinced me to help you get this…sex couch.”

Lance paused mid-sip.

“Because I’m a paragon of leadership? And I’m charismatic enough that I didn’t have to convince you?” he offered.

Keith rolled his eyes behind his dark shades.

“Try again.”

“Because I offered to buy you food and leaf-water and got you cool sunglasses?”

“You didn’t suggest we eat until after we got here, it’s called tea and these are your sunglasses which you’re just lending to me in hopes that they’ll make people not recognize me.” Keith retorted.

“Fine.” Lance sighed in defeat. “Because if you helped me, I’d owe you a favour. A big favour.”

Keith’s lip quirked up.

“That does sound like it’d convince me.”

“And,” Lance wheedled, “because you’re my friend and, deep down…really deep down, you’d do anything to help me?”

He tilted his head and grinned hopefully. Keith snorted.

“Okay, that too.”

Lance beamed.

“But it’s mostly for the favour.” Keith smirked.

It was Lance’s turn to roll his eyes.

“Wow, so sentimental.”

He moodily took a bite out of his space-croissant as Keith chuckled. The mall was nearly empty then and, looking around, Lance could see people drifting towards the exit. Except one. He squinted and even lowered his sunglasses to check if his eyes hadn’t deceived him. They hadn’t. There was someone, dressed in a dark sweater with the hood up, entering the mall. They weren’t running, per say, but it was clear that they were in a hurry to get wherever they needed to go.

“Hey, Keith?” he asked, his mouth full.

“Yeah, I see him.” answered the red paladin as he glanced over Lance’s shoulder. “It’s just Matt.”

Lance nearly choked on his food. He coughed and, with difficulty, managed to swallow the last of the crumbs.

“How do you know?!” he asked.

What, was Keith a mindreader now or something?!

“Because I could see his face.” Keith said simply, pointing at Matt.

Lance looked.

“Oh.” he murmured.

Indeed, although he had his hood on, it wasn’t pulled low enough to completely hide Matt’s features. Rather, it seemed like he just had it on to conceal his appearance just enough that he wouldn’t be immediately recognized.

‘Almost like he’s trying to do the same thing we are.’ the sharpshooter thought, eyes narrowing suspiciously at Matt,

He was aware that this was probably a stretch. But he knew how valuable that sex couch was and he wasn’t ready to let someone else just swipe it from him, especially if that someone was his girlfriend’s brother.

“Also, he called me right after you talked me into helping you out. Something about an errand he needed help with.” Keith added, snapping Lance immediately out of his train of thought.

“Wait wait wait WHAT?! What errand?!?!?!?” Lance demanded, jumping out of his seat!

Keith flinched back in surprise, his sunglasses slipping down his nose to reveal his startled eyes.

“I don’t know. I told him I was going to be busy helping you with something, so he said to forget about it and that he’d find a way on his own.”

Lance gaped. Keith just stared in confusion until the gears of suspicion finally clicked in his head.

“You don’t think-?”

“I DO, IN FACT, THINK!” Lance exclaimed. “COME ON!”

He dashed out of the food court, jumping over and weaving between tables in his hurry to reach Matt! Keith lagged behind as he disposed of the remnants of their meal down in the nearest waste basket. Lance paid no mind. He focussed only on running after Matt, who was heading down the all-too-familiar path to Rolo’s shop!

“Hold it right there, Holt!”

Matt froze in his tracks, turning slowly to face his pursuers. His posture relaxed and he smiled as he recognized them.

“Oh! Lance! Keith! Hi! What are you guys doing-?”

“We’re here to get MY sex couch, thank you very much!” Lance interrupted, storming right up to Matt so that the poor man could smell the coffee on Lance’s breath.

He backed away, eyes wide and confused.

“Excuse me?”

“Rolo’s selling a sex couch and Lance called dibs.” Keith explained as he finally caught up to the fuming sharpshooter.

“And you’re here to help him carry it out as fast as possible?” Matt guessed.

Keith shrugged.

“He talked me into it.”

“And the sunglasses are to try to keep everyone from recognizing you and you’re doing this all at closing time so few people will see you?”

Lance blinked.

“…Yeah, that’s actually it.” He said, trying not to sound impressed at how Matt had read his unspoken plan like a children’s book.

Matt nodded, though there seemed to be a regretful lilt to his smile.

“Well, I’m sorry to interrupt your plans, Lance, but” and at that moment, Matt couldn’t entirely hide the note of pride in his voice, “I already got dibs on that couch.”

Lance’s brain practically short-circuited. He shook his head.

“Wai-WHAT?! How?!?!” he demanded, his voice rising an octave and drawing a curious glance from two passersby.

Keith and Matt flinched and Lance realized how loud he’d been and grinned sheepishly at the strangers. Matt waited until they’d left (subtly doing the cuckoo sign in Lance’s direction) before explaining:

“I was there when Rolo brought it in the other day. I asked him about it and he told me he’d set it aside for me. So, technically, I’ve got dibs on that sex couch. Although, actually, it’s called a chaise-”

But Lance’s outrage drowned him out before he could get in another word about the furniture’s proper name.

“What?! No! Nonononono he can’t do that!”

“Rolo owns the shop, Lance.” Keith interjected. “I’m pretty sure he can.”

If Keith’s aim was to cool down Lance’s outburst, he was thoroughly unsuccessful.

“But that’s not fair! He’s just doing it because Matt is his friend!” he snapped, nearly poking Matt in the face as he pointed an indignant finger at his nose. “I have just as much right to that sex couch as he does! And also!”

He whirled on Matt, his dark blue eyes practically shooting sparks of wrath.

“That is NOT how you get dibs! You don’t get dibs by having it given to you! You need to call dibs yourself! Like ‘I call dibs on the sex couch!’ See? I just did it! I got dibs on the sex couch and you don’t!”

Matt glared at Lance. Normally, he’d have been more patient with his brother-in-unmarried-law’s sheer level of emotion. But, normally, Lance and he weren’t going after the same priceless piece of sex furniture that Matt felt had been promised to him. Also, Lance’s yelling was really starting to grate on his nerves.

“It’s called a chaise,” he began snippily, “and Rolo agreed to sell it to me before you even knew the chaise was there. So, that means I saw it first, I wanted to buy it first and, if that doesn’t do it for you, the very person who’s selling the chaise, the guy who has the ultimate say in who gets to buy it, offered it to me and, as far as I know, just me! So, by all rights, I should be the one to buy it and Keith should be helping me carry it out!”

“Hey!” Keith objected. “Don’t drag me into this!”

Lance shook his head disbelievingly. His glasses (and his confidence) had been rendered slightly askew from Matt’s snarling at him. Still, he wasn’t ready to give in to Matt’s reasoning.

“And what makes you think Rolo was totally gonna let you and just you buy that couch…chaise…whatever!?” he argued. “I mean, he told me to sit in it! He let me test out the vibrate function! He haggled with me over the price!!!”

Matt gasped.

“He let you sit in it?” he asked, amazed.

Lance blinked, confused, but quickly recovered his bravado.

“Wh-Yes. Yes, he did. Why?” he asked, unable to hold back his curiosity entirely.

Matt seemed to deflate.

“He only let me touch it.” he said softly.

Lance’s guard softened.

“Oh.” he murmured. “I…I’m sorry about that, Matt.”

Matt shrugged, a brave attempt at a smile on his face.

“It’s fine. It’s just…You think you know a guy,”

“And then they just betray you by offering to sell out the greatest chaise in the universe without even letting you sit on it.” Lance finished, wiping an imaginary tear from his eye.

Matt’s features relaxed into a true, grateful smile.

“Yeah,”

There was a pause between the two, a moment of silent comradery…Until the spell was broken by Lance crowing:

“But it shows that Rolo doesn’t actually mind selling that chaise to someone other than you!”

“Maybe!” Matt admitted loudly. “But I’m not giving it up without a fight!”

“DOES THERE HAVE TO BE A FIGHT?!?!” Keith roared suddenly, startling the arguing duo into silence.

Honestly, they’d almost forgotten that he was still there and a sudden rush of guilt shot through their systems. Guilt and a healthy dose of fear, for Keith’s frustration and impatience had boiled over into a small inferno that burned so hot and fierce that it could easily scorch them! Luckily for them, however, Keith registered the look of terror on their faces and took a nice, deep breath.

“Sorry. Sorry. The last we need is for me to lose my temper too.” he muttered, pinching lightly at the bridge of his nose.

He let out another slow exhale and opened his eyes. The flames in them had dimmed to a much safer (yet still irritated) glow.

“I mean, can’t you two just wait for Rolo to get another sex couch-I mean, chaise?” he asked.

Lance and Matt glanced warily at each other.

“It’s not that simple, Keith.” Lance began.

“Yeah, Rolo had to do some crazy shit to get this sex couch for dirt-cheap so he could sell it for a price normal people could afford.” Matt continued.

Keith’s brows went up suspiciously.

“What kind of crazy shit?” he asked slowly.

Matt and Lance’s cheeks went beat-red.

“Let’s just say it’s none of our business.” said Lance.

Keith wisely decided he didn’t need to know more.

“Okay…but…still…whatever he did…that seems a lot for just a piece of furniture.”

By pure chance, Keith had said exactly what he’d needed to snap Matt and Lance out of their embarrassed flashbacks of what Rolo said he’d done to get the chaise. They stared at Keith as if he’d suddenly suggested that the Earth was shaped like a pyramid before their mouths quirked into twin knowing smirks.

“You haven’t seen the chaise, have you?” Matt asked.

Keith shook his head.

“I didn’t even know about it until Lance first brought it up.”

Lance hummed thoughtfully, a gleam dancing about in his eyes.

“Okay! Change of plans,” he suggested to Matt, “we go to the sex shop and show Keith the oh-so-awesome chaise, and THEN we decide who buys it.”

Matt nodded.

“Good idea. Honestly, we better head there anyway.” he took out his phone to check how late it was. “We’re running out of time to decide before the mall closes.”

He looked at Keith as he stuffed the phone back in his pocket.

“You in?”

The red paladin sighed heavily.

“Sure, why not?” he deadpanned and started following the two as they all headed to the sex shop.

‘I should hang out with Hunk and Regris more.’ he thought mutinously. ‘They wouldn’t put me through this shit.’

He had barely thought this, though, when the trio came to a stop at the familiar black-out storefront and froze. The sign on the door, added shortly after the trio’s accidental meeting the previous week, read ‘Closed’. But that wasn’t what made the boys stop. There were noises coming from inside. They must’ve been loud noises, since they could be heard even through the storefront walls. And they sounded angry.

“There’s people yelling inside.” Matt whispered, then glanced at Keith. “Can you make out what they’re saying?”

Keith’s half-galra heritage made his hearing a fraction more sensitive than their human senses, which had been further heightened and practiced by years of training. But it seemed they hadn’t been heightened enough as Keith shook his head.

“Not really. Just that they’re arguing over something. Kind of like you two just a few minutes ago, actually.” he gave them a mildly reproachful look.

“Do you think it’s robbers?” Lance asked.

Matt and Keith shot Lance a flabbergasted stare.

“Robbers?” Matt asked.

“It could be.”

“What kind of people would rob a sex shop?” Keith pointed out.

“Probably some really desperate or really horny thieves.” Lance. “Or Both! Or maybe those insane fangirls of yours, I don’t know!”

As Keith shuddered at the memory of his last encounter with crazy fans, Matt interjected:

“Well, before we assume it’s robbers, maybe we can check it out? Since there’s people inside, the door might be unlocked. We can open it enough to take a peek.”

“And since the storefront is blacked out, they probably won’t see us.” Keith finished.

Lance nodded.

“I like it. Dibs on first peek!”

Matt rolled his eyes as they let Lance approach the door.

“What is it with you and dibs?” he muttered irritably.

Keith shushed him as Lance opened the door a crack and looked inside. His eyes widened.

“Guys?” he asked, looking back at the two behind him, his face split into a huge grin. “You gotta see this!”

They approached the door and, upon placing themselves below Lance so that all three of them could see through the open door, they gasped.

“Holy quiznack!” Keith swore under his breath.

There, in the middle of the sex shop, was a magnificent, floating, faux-leather chaise lounge, black as sin, soft and padded as a snow leopard’s paws and shaped like the sensual curves of a woman’s arched back. It was the sexiest piece of furniture you’d ever lay eyes on. And Pidge and Plaxum were wrestling on top of it while Zuri tried desperately to pull them apart!

“Give it up, Plaxum!” yelled Pidge, furiously attempting to push Plaxum off the chaise. “I called-OW!-dibs!”

“Dibs is not a thing, Pidge!” the mermaid snarled back after pulling at Pidge’s hair

She gasped as Zuri jabbed her in the ribs with an elbow.

“Not to make this worse-!” Zuri grunted as she tried to restrain Pidge, who writhed and hissed like a wildcat to get away from her. “But I can confirm it is a thing!”

“I thought you were on my side!” Plaxum snapped at her galra friend before making another leap at Pidge.

“I’m not on anyone’s side!” Zuri growled, struggling to maintain her balance on the floating chaise.

“Yeah, she’s just pointing out that, on Earth, dibs exist! Thus, helping my point! Thanks, Zuri!” called Pidge, leaning back and striking a swift kick at Plaxum!

She dodged, but only just! And her sudden movement nearly caused her to fall! But she recovered and snarled:

“Well, it may be a thing on Earth, but this isn’t Earth, so it has no power over me! And neither DO YOU!”

She surged forward to grapple Pidge, forcing Zuri out of the way and causing her to fall off the couch and land on the floor (thankfully not far away) with a yelp! She sat up and glared witheringly at Nyma, who was sitting rather calmly at the cash.

“Aren’t you going to help?” she hissed.

“I would,” Nyma said slowly, a shit-eating grin on her face, “but I don’t want to make this an even bigger mess. Plus, this is really entertaining.”

She fought to stifle her chuckles as Zuri growled like a furious cat. She shifted to a crouch and lashed out at the chaise with a swift kick, knocking it off-kilter and sending the girls still fighting atop it tumbling to the floor!

“Oof! That’s gotta hurt!” came a whisper from the doorway.

Nyma blinked and whirled to look at the door just as it shut! She frowned and got up, walking out from behind the desk to the front of the store.

Leaning against the door, Matt, Lance and Keith looked at each other with mounting panic.

“Do you think she noticed us?” asked Lance in a hopeful whisper.

His answer came as their support suddenly gave way and they fell in a heap through the open door with a chorus of yelps and startled shouts! They landed in a pile at Nyma’s feet. They looked up and were met with her upside-down smirk.

“Evening, gentlemen.” she greeted cheerily.

Matt chuckled guiltily, Lance gave a sheepish smile and Keith swallowed hard.

“Evening.” Matt returned her greeting, not quite as cheerily.

Behind Nyma, Pidge and Plaxum had stopped their brawling upon seeing their boyfriends clamber up from the floor.

“Matt?!” Pidge exclaimed, her face pinkening. “Lance?! Keith?!”

“W-What are you all doing here???!” asked Plaxum, scrambling to get upright along with Pidge and Zuri.

“Funny enough, same reason as you!” chuckled Lance.

Pidge blinked.

“Wait, you’re fighting over the chaise too?”

“Yeah,” Lance admitted, “but without as much ‘Hiyah! Huah! Ha!’” he cried, striking at various imaginary targets, “as you two. Nice moves, by the way!”

“Thanks,” Pidge happily leaned into Lance’s hug. “Not too bad, I guess, for my first time wrestling a mermaid twice my size.”

“You’re really tough, I’ll give you that.” Plaxum nodded, unable to hide her admiration.

Matt grinned proudly.

“That’s my little sister.”

“Oh yeah.” Keith interrupted, causing everyone to look at him and be met by his scathing glare. “Nobody check on the innocent third party who got roped into this against their will.” he said, the biting sarcasm lacing his voice, before turning to Zuri and asking softly: “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’ve had worse battle injuries than this.” she assured, smiling as Keith gently caressed the sore spot on her back and kissed the crown of her head.

Pidge and Plaxum winced, ashamed.

“We’re really sorry, Zuri.” Pidge apologized.

“We really took it too far.” added Plaxum.

“I mean, it is just a chaise in the end.”

Lance and Matt nodded, looking about as guilty as their girlfriends.

“Admittedly a really nice chaise…” Plaxum mumbled.

“Really comfortable one too…” Lance added under his breath.

“With that nice vibrate function…” sighed Plaxum.

“And you can adjust the height at which it floats…” Pidge murmured.

“And it’s the only affordable one this side of the galaxy…” Matt added dreamily.

All four of them were eyeing the chaise. There was a pause, a moment of silence filled with growing tension and longing, where the tentative peace the couples had achieved hung by a thread. Everyone could sense what each other was thinking and yet no one dared say it aloud: that it was only a matter of time before the delicate balance was shattered.

It only took a minute.

“WE CALL DIBS ON THE COUCH!”

“AGAIN WITH THE STUPID DIBS!”

“I’M STARTING TO THINK YOU’RE JUST MAKING UP THIS WHOLE DIBS THING!”

“WE ARE NOT!”

“PROVE IT!”

As the four roared and raged and hissed and spat at each other, Zuri sighed.

“Here we go again.” she groaned.

Keith frowned sympathetically, putting his arm around her as they helplessly watched the bickering.

“How long have they been at this?” he asked and Zuri seemed to lean even more into him, as if she were too exhausted by the ordeal to stand upright.

“Two vargas.”

“Quiznack,” he muttered, lifting his sunglasses.

Zuri noted the eyewear curiously and nodded to them.

“What’s with those?”

“Oh. They were Lance’s idea.” Keith explained. “He wanted me to help him carry the chaise after he bought it. Didn’t want us to get recognized too easily.”

“Smart. Though still a lot of effort for a sex couch.”

“Don’t you mean chaise?” Keith asked playfully.

Zuri chuckled.

“Whatever. It’s furniture designed to have sex on it.” she said, glancing at the furniture in question. “Though it is admittedly nice.”

“Hmm, true.” Keith admitted.

He looked again at his mate, his eyes lit with curiosity.

“What about you? Did they draft you into helping them carry it too?”

“Actually, we didn’t get that far.” Zuri confessed. “We only found out about this after we got here. After Nyma brought it out to show us.”

Keith’s eyebrows lifted.

“So, if you didn’t come here for the sex couch, what were you three doing here?” he asked, now quite interested.

Zuri’s cheeks deepened in colour.

“It was Nyma’s idea. Rolo had asked her to watch the shop for the evening and she decided to show us and make it something of a girls’ night.”

She then smiled slyly at him.

“I admit it was nice to finally see where you got the gloves and the collar.” she purred.

“Right.” Keith chuckled, his own cheeks flushing apologetically. “I was going to tell you about that, I promise. But I guess I got distracted.”

Zuri was about to reply when there was a loud cough from the cash counter. Everyone looked and saw Nyma stand from her seat.

“Guys, I’ll say it now,” she announced, “this has been one of the craziest and yet most entertaining evenings I’ve ever had. And I really hate to cut this debate over the chaise short, but…” and at this, she pointed at the clock and smirked.

Everyone glanced up at the time and blanched. It was precisely 2 doboshes to closing time.

“I highly doubt you can decide who gets the chaise in that amount of time.” Nyma added. “So how about we put a pin in this and save the rest of this argument for another day? Or you can decide among yourselves. Or maybe,” she added mischievously, “I’ll just decide to buy the chaise myself. Regardless, I think you should all get out of here.”

“So, you’re kicking us out?” Matt asked.

Nyma shrugged.

“Pretty much.”

The would-be-customers looked at each other and came to a silent agreement: this debate would, indeed, have to wait another day. They all said goodbye to Nyma and shuffled out, pulling the door closed behind them and heading for the Space Mall’s exit at a brisk walk.

“We gotta find a way to get that chaise first.” Lance said to Pidge.

“And we will.” Pidge assured him. “We’ll come back near closing time tomorrow. I’ve got masks and a voice modifier we can use so Matt and Plaxum don’t find out it was us who took it.”

“You are a genius!” Lance enthused. “Did I mention I love you so much?”

Pidge giggled. Behind them, Plaxum admitted to Matt:

“I was a bit disappointed you knew about the chaise.”

“Why?” Matt asked worriedly.

Plaxum’s cheeks turned a deeper blue, almost purple.

“I was hoping to get it for your birthday.” she said softly. “And birthday gifts are supposed to be a surprise, but now you know about this, so it’s not a surprise anymore.”

“Aww, Plaxum, honey,” Matt cooed, “you don’t have to worry about the surprise. I mean, I know the gift being a surprise is the norm, but we don’t have to do everything by the book if we don’t want to.”

Plaxum beamed.

“So, you’d still like that as one of your birthday presents?” she asked.

“I’d love it! Wait-One of?” he asked excitedly.

Behind him and Plaxum, Zuri looked up at her mate.

“You know, I just thought of something.”

“Go ahead.” Keith encouraged.

“Since we both know about this sex shop now,” Zuri said, unable to keep from smiling, “maybe we go there together next time?”

Keith blinked in pleasant surprise before a loving smirking graced his features and he let out a low, almost inaudible purr.

“I’d like that very much.” he murmured giving her waist a little appreciative squeeze that made her smile widen.

From the window of the sex shop, Nyma watched the 6 of them leave, grin in a most satisfied manner. After seeing them turn the corner and disappear, she casually went to grab her own communicator. She tried to call Rolo, but he was unavailable, so she left him a message:

“Hey, Rolo. You remember how I told you on the first day how this store was a bad idea? Well, I think you already know that I’ve changed my mind about that, but I still think it’s worth telling you. This sex shop was probably the best idea you’ve had in a while. In fact, I think it’s such a good idea that…I’ve decided I want in. That’s right. I’m taking up your offer. I want to work here, Rolo. Call me as soon as you’re done getting that ‘special order’. And yeah, you can rub it in. Just not too much. Okay, bye.”


	5. Epilogue: The Special Order

It was late the following evening when Rolo’s “special customer” finally came over. When he did, Rolo himself was talking on his communicator to Nyma, his soon-to-be new employee.

“I guess I’m just wondering what finally made you decide.” he said. “I mean, sure, the pay’s decent but was that it?...Was it because you don’t have to do too much in-shop?...Pffft-The entertainment value! Pffhahaha! You know, I can’t even blame you for that, that is a good reason! Oh boy,”

He wiped a small tear from his eye, then saw the door open and his “special customer” step hesitantly inside, smiling politely and wordlessly asking if he could come in.

“Oh, sorry, Nyma, I gotta go. We’ll talk more tomorrow and I can get the whole employee thing set up, okay?...Okay. Bye.”

He set down the device and ducked down to grab a small box he’d hidden behind the desk.

“Here it is.” he said, producing the box and tapping on a button for the lid to slide open. “As promised.”

“Thank you, Rolo.” said Shiro, taking the small chip that lay inside the box and sliding it into a tiny little opening near the elbow joint of his mechanical arm. “And you’re sure this’ll work?”

“Positive.” Rolo assured the black paladin. “I saw Regris test it out. Not on the exact kind of am you have, but close enough.”

“So, how do I activate it?”

“Pretty sure you just gotta do whatever it is you do to activate your combat mode for your arm.”

Shiro flexed his fingers, then focussed as if he were powering his arm for a fight. But this time, instead of glowing a deadly purple, his metal arm began to vibrate. It made a soft buzzing sound, even as Shiro moved his arm about, marveling at the effect. He tried to rub his own shoulder and gasped as the vibrations reverberated in his shoulder muscles.

“Nice!” he said, focussing a bit to deactivate the vibration and taking out the chip. “This is exactly what I wanted. Thank you so much, Rolo.”

Rolo made a playful half-bow as Shiro placed the chip back in the box.

“Don’t mention it.” he said, taking the thick wad of cash Shiro handed him before taking the small box. “Just happy to do business with you.”

He couldn’t help but smile.

“Hope Allura enjoys it!” he teased just as the paladin was about to step out of the shop.

Shiro’s face flushed a bright vermilion that Rolo was sure he could make out even in the dimness of the closed mall.

“Th-Th-That’s-!” he sputtered.

Rolo laughed.

“I know! I know! None of my business!” he chortled before his “special customer” disappeared out of the shop, box (and vibrator-chip) safely in hand.


End file.
